The refrigerator story

My favorite uncle has a blog too. He e-mailed me the other day calling dibbs on the refrigerator story.

I respect dibbs as much as the next guy, so I ruefully considered the episode off limits.

Then I had three thoughts. 1) Unca Rob hasn’t written a post since before the Superbowl, and that one appears to have been deleted. 2) I have now given him seven days to use his dibbs, which everyone knows expire after three. And 3) He already got the haunted apartment story. Family lore should be fairly distributed.

So here it comes. Remember You hate to hear it? You have not yet begun to cringe.

My great-grandmother had a small refrigerator in the ’50s. It had one of those handles that attached in the center but continued up like a spire to the top of the door.

One afternoon during a family party, all of the children were playing hide and seek or tag or something. Unca Rob would know.

One of the cousins climbed on top of the fridge. He was a little boy.

At olly-olly-oxen-free he slid off. But he aimed poorly.

The handle went up through his anus. He hung there, legs adangle, until rescuers were able to slide him up and off.

He had to go to the hospital.

He’s fine now.

But I’ll bet you’re not.

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16 Responses to “The refrigerator story”

  1. aloft52 Says:

    are you kidding?

  2. T. Says:

    i wish i were.
    so does my uncle.

  3. T. Says:

    i want to avoid any confusion. rob was a witness to this incident, as were many others; he was not the slider. unca rob’s anus is as yet unimpaled.
    t.

  4. roberto Says:

    Thank you for defending the integrity of my anus. I appreciate it even though I realize you are just ass-uming.

    I still intend someday to pen my own account, adding more level of detail and atmosphere. Such as who all was in in the room at the time, the fact that the game was blindman’s bluff, Reno being not only the blind man but the one who had the wits and maturity at around 12 years of age, to lift the wailing Slider off the handle, the bewildered incomprehension of the rest of us as to why the Slider was seemingly adhered somehow to the face of the fridge, suspended half way to the floor, the smell of blood and feces, etc.

  5. gunky Says:

    i don’t understand. and i don’t believe it, anyway.

    and it’s “all-the-outs-in-free”, i think.

  6. T. Says:

    number 1: what’s not to understand?
    number 2: it’s true. my grampa was the first to tell me this story, and then my mom. now you’re seeing varification from rob, who was there. it’s for-sure true.
    number 3: it’s totally not ‘all the outs in free.’ that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard.

    t.

  7. roberto Says:

    What I don’t believe or understand is “all the outs in free”. That totally doesn’t make any sense at all. “Ollie, Ollie Oxen free” totally does make sense. You remember the story of Ollie Oxen who escaped back into the wild. I think they made a movie about it.

  8. T. Says:

    ok. i googled ‘all the outs in free.’ nothing.
    then i googled ‘olly olly oxen free’ and got a full screen. here’s the top hit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olly_olly_oxen_free
    will you believe there really is a film? there are no oxen in it. rob is full of sass.

  9. Mike Says:

    I believe. And your uncle no doubt has been a faithful saint in the cult of Murphy’s Law since that day.

  10. cb Says:

    Wow! Lots of comments. I like your version of the story and especially liked your m. and grm’s reaction to it. When I was a kid we yelled olly, olly, oxen free, free, free!

  11. Brian Says:

    It’s true. I was there. It is something you never forget. In fact, though I don’t see him often, I must admit, every time I do, sometime during the day, I will think about when it happened.

  12. Another ghost story « Stories O’ Mine Says:

    […] told him I’d blogged The Refrigerator Story. I could tell by his face he knew which story I meant. He had been […]

  13. Rhonda Says:

    Okay, now that my breathing has somewhat returned to normal, he also used your Rose Parade story at Nana’s services – one more reason you should get this one.

  14. Another ghost story « Stories O' Mine Says:

    […] told him I’d blogged The Refrigerator Story. I could tell by his face he knew which story I meant. He had been […]

  15. The highway accident « Stories O' Mine Says:

    […] were gross. Within about 10 days there was a fart, a booger, body odor, a dripping breast and an anal impalement. I could see the theme happening; I just couldn’t get away from […]

  16. Stats « Stories O' Mine Says:

    […] recent A New Expression is tied for second with The Refrigerator Story. I understand why the Fridge made it so high. I wouldn’t be surprised to find other people […]

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