Some people have nothing but answers

My mother-in-law is one of those problem solvers.

These people’s social skills are completely dependent on their giving advice. I always seem to know one person who has this personality trait.

When that person moves away, another one comes into my life. I picture a nondescript person on deck, rocking in readiness to advise me.

My mother-in-law must write to every comedian she’s ever seen on TV: Dear Mr. Seinfeld, why don’t you pack your own tuna sandwich when you go to the airport. . . ?

In the movie, “White Men Can’t Jump,” there’s a scene where Rosie Perez tells Woody Harrelson she’s thirsty. He gets her water and she explains to him that she doesn’t want someone else trying to solve her problems; she wants someone to say, ‘I too have experienced drymouthedness.’

Can this concept really be that complicated, if people who watch Wesley Snipes movies can get it?

So last week I’m at my current problem-solver’s house making conversation. I say, ‘I spent the silliest time this morning trying to clean the shower curtain.’

The whole bottom two feet of the decorative outer thing always gets covered with fur.

‘I was sponging the fur off, but, because I was there, so was the dog, so he was putting it right back on.’

I did that burst of exhaling through the nose thing that’s the offline equivalent to LOL.

I was looking for this: Boyohboy, dogs are hard to get mad at when they’re so darn cute.

Or maybe even: Ha ha ha. One time when we had our black Lab….

She said, ‘Why don’t you tuck the curtain into the tub?’

I never know what to do at this point.

I have my reasons for not tucking it into the tub, but I don’t think she’s really asking why. Plus, if I tell her, she’ll give me more suggestions.

In my mind I’m saying this: Lady, you don’t know what the Internet is. You’re not my go-to.

But I just say, ‘Well, I suppose I could.’ And we sit there in silence.

Anyone have any advice for me?



5 Responses to “Some people have nothing but answers”

  1. Will Says:

    Why don’t you just put another tub inside the tub you already have? Then you could have the curtain outside of the inner tub and inside the outer tub. The dog can’t get to it, and the decorative outer thing will still be outside the tub.

  2. Monty Says:

    What you need is a go-to subject for this person. One that is neutral territory or possibly an obsession of hers. Your Unca Rob has a rule for gift giving. Always give a give a gift that appeals on the recipient’s vices. Same goes here.

  3. T. Says:

    it’s been 20 years and two months. i am positive that there is no safe subject. but thanks for playing.

  4. Laurie W. Says:

    Thinking back on conversations with T., feeling ever-so-slightly guilty.

  5. T. Says:

    hee hee. it’s different if i follow you around asking for advice, laurie!

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