The dead squirrel story

It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday, so I share this.

We were out visiting her a couple of summers ago to help her move out of the home she raised her family in. My father-in-law had died, and it was too much house for one person.

My husband asked about saying goodbye to the next-door neighbors. He had known them for years, but hadn’t noticed them around during our visit.

“They’re upset with me,” my mother-in-law said.

She explained that shortly back she had found a dead squirrel near their porch. She happened to have a plastic bag in her pocket, and she scooped it up to throw it out, but didn’t get that far.

Something happened that demanded her immediate attention. I don’t remember what it was, but I remember that she hooked the bag on their doorknob meaning to get back to it.

As far as we can surmise, the neighbors came home to discover the dead squirrel and some evidence of who’d left it. They took it badly. You’d have thought she’d left a horse head in their bed.

They gave her some words there was no coming back from.

My husband asked why she didn’t explain.

“I thought about it,” she nodded seriously, “and then I thought, ‘to hell with it.’ “

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5 Responses to “The dead squirrel story”

  1. Mike Says:

    I don’t get it. This is hilarious. A dead squirrel on the doorknob, besides being a great name for a punk band, is so funny that I cannot understand how anyone could take offense. Cat owners might even take it as a tribute. D’s mom is right. There is no explaining this to these people.

  2. Rhonda Says:

    My mother would have handled it the exact same way.

  3. Rhonda Says:

    You know, Lexie killed a squirrel in the back yard one day, and Mel and I were so traumatized, we couldn’t touch her for about 3 days. Then one day I overheard Mel telling Lexie, “a mother’s love is unconditional, but you’re a dirty, rotten, no good squirrel killer.”

  4. T. Says:

    Ha! I laughed out loud. That’s twice today. Thanks for the story, Rhonda. I love it. And I love Mel, who will not eat my macaroni and cheese.

  5. T. Says:

    And just so no one thinks Rhonda and Mel are heartless, I would like to clarify that Lexie is a dog.

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